someone listening
i wonder who comes by to check. someone has to. a few stray views a year and god knows it isn't me. i gave up on myself. well, at least i try. still, there are views. last in december 2025. wonder how one stumbles upon this blog. what brings a person here, of all the weird places on the internet. and does it even matter? i guess i wanted to be like the girls in the films. authentic, headstrong, adored by many. if i lie to myself hard enough it sometimes fool myself into thinking i am halfway there. but it's stupid. i'm the man. i'm all that is wrong with the world. i'm knocking at glass of caged animals and cooing when they reply with a timid lick on my face. this wasn't who i wanted to be. god, i miss the river again. i miss all the things about that place and many others. every time i speak of it i call it home and i know i'm lying. nothing is home. home is a feeling. i don't have it. maybe that is why big places fascinate me. you can't hear t...